Fit to be tied

I hope you, my dear readers, will have patience with me if this column reads in fits and starts, because quite frankly, this topic can get me somewhat twitchy in the pants… and I’m particularly prone to drifting off into fantasies while contemplating it.

If the subject header hadn’t given it away, I’ll tell you; today I’m thinking about bondage. Okay, so yesterday I was thinking about bondage and tomorrow I’m sure I’ll think about bondage again, so, okay, today I’m writing about bondage.

Don’t get yourself tied up in knots about semantics.

I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist that one. Beat me for it, won’t you? (Yes, that pun was also intentional).

Okay, back on track. Mmm, bondage. I love the idea of being bound and helpless and at the mercy of someone else’s whim. It’s just so deliciously sexy to me to be totally teased and driven crazy by someone who knows what I like and how I like it, and refuses to do any of it in order to make me suffer.

But that’s why I like bondage. I was talking to a friend of mine about this last night, and we were trying to figure out why so many men and women like bondage – but women in particular. I mentioned that a number of people who are very powerful outside of the bedroom like to be dominated in the bedroom; people with a powerful personality or a great deal of authority sometimes like to give all that up when they get in the bedroom.

But, the number one reason why people like to be tied up, I said, was laziness.

Sure, pure and utter laziness! After all, what better way to absolve you from responsibility for what’s going on between the sheets and have someone else do all the work than by being tied up?

I mean, how many women have gotten that head push that signals that your partner just might be interested in getting a blow job? Or how many men have had women doing that palm on the flat of the head that means, “Honey, how about you eat me?” This isn’t just for straights, either – although I’m neither a gay male nor a gay female, I think it’s safe to say that some gay couples encounter this ‘gentle hinting’ as well.

So, remove yourself from this problem! Get tied up! Then, when your male partner is hovering over you as you’re flat on your back with your hands above your head, you can tell him, “Hey, it’s a bit tough for me to suck you off right now – I just don’t have the right angle. Why don’t you eat me instead?”

Now admittedly, this doesn’t quite work as well when we’re working with women and their parts. After all, kneeling above someone’s head to get eaten out… well, it works pretty well for us. We generally don’t have much in the way of parts that are going to start throwing your gag reflex into action, so it’s a bit tougher to avoid doing work at that point. But, you can always request a ball gag, and then problem solved – your mouth is already full, so you can’t exactly be using it for fun, and your partner just has to look after you for awhile.

But I kid. No, really. Sometimes laziness is a factor, but really, there’s also a great deal of trust and sexiness that goes into being the one bound and at someone’s mercy. Some people just can’t bear to beg, so being driven to that point means you must be doing something awfully right, which is a big head trip in and of itself.

I once knew a guy who was feeling a little disappointed with the vanilla sex that he and his girlfriend were having, so one night he tied up his girlfriend without asking her, and she freaked on him. I say, and deservedly so. Being tied up is scary and vulnerable and exiting and arousing… and well, those are my feelings drifting over onto it, but the whole thing I’m trying to say is talk to your partner ahead of time, and keep talking the whole way through. It might not be the best experience the first time, but if you build on it and make it something good, future times will be; if it’s not scary and horrible the first time, then both of you will be much more willing to pursue it again.

Now that I’m all tied up in knots and twitchy from this week’s topic, well, as usual, I’m off. But today, I leave you with a quote:

“I’m a teaser, I’m a pleaser, I’m a midnight squeezer…” -- from the label of a bottle of Mike’s Hard Lemonade I got once.

Happy binding... and bonding!
posted by Jen on 10:00 PM

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