Ready… or not?
There comes a time in all (most?) of our lives when we decide it’s time to have sex. For those of us who are fortunate, after the first time, this time comes more often. And so do we.
Sorry, had to take that bad, bad opening right there. As I was saying, most people are fortunate enough to have sex a few times in their lives; either for the first time as a virgin, or after that, with (a) new partner(s). Sometimes this is an easy decision – I mean, c’mon? Hugh Jackman offering himself to me? In a minute! – other times, it’s not so easy.
I wrote awhile back about making the decision to be someone’s “first” – it’s a pretty big responsibility, and one that I think requires a decent amount of thought on both people’s parts (hehehe – I said parts). But what isn’t always talked about is the decision to sleep with a new partner.
There are all kinds of factors that can go into the decision to sleep with someone; “I’m horny and I want sex and this person is offering/interested/unconscious”; “It’s been two years and I think I’ve forgotten how”; “I’m trying to get a better position (hehehe) at work”; “I’m trying to increase my overall number.” Sometimes it’s something, “I really like this person, I’m really attracted to him/her, I’d really like to share that experience with him/her,” but really, how often does that happen?
Okay, so I’m being facetious. I’m also being rather immature this article, if you hadn’t already noticed. *grin*
Moving on… it’s an interesting that physically one can be ready for sex, yet mentally completely unprepared. I’ve been in situations whereby I was attracted to someone, but unwilling to have sex because I knew I wasn’t “ready” – as ambiguous a term as that can be. I’ve also been in situations where I felt that I did want to sleep with someone, but I wanted to wait until we were both ready – being comfortable together, enjoying all the preliminary activities and practicing them, the moon and the stars were in proper alignment – before actually getting naked and having fun together.
I was having this discussion with a friend of mine the other day; he stated that he was ready for sex at 9, even if he didn’t actually have it until later in life. It’s one thing to say we’re ready for sex at such-and-such an age, but how many of us, given the opportunity, would have actually had it that young?
I was offered the opportunity to have sex for the first time at 13, if memory serves; I knew that I certainly wasn’t ready at that point. When I actually had sex for the first time, did I feel I was more ready then? Looking back, I’d have to say probably not, but what’s done is done, so I can’t regret it… at least, not too much.
If you’re a regular reader or you’ve read the archives, you’ll note that I talked before about my first time and how crappy it was. I suppose it could have been worse; I didn’t lose any limbs or have anything break off, but overall, it was pretty sad. Would it have been better if I’d been ready? I think so. I think I might’ve taken a more active role in the proceedings and probably had a lot more fun in the whole event.
That whole incident helped to prompt the article I wrote about losing one’s virginity, or being asked to be someone’s first. My whole life is a mine for these articles, and an event too many years ago, or one that was only two years ago, can turn into the 700-900 words that you get to read. A good friend of mine got inducted into the world of sex fairly recently, and all I can hope is that this friend’s first time was better than mine, and that (s)he happened to feel ready, mentally as well as physically.
Anyhow… sometimes when I think that sex is a possibility with a new partner, there’s a bunch of mental weighing that I do. Am I attracted? Am I interested in a relationship? Do I think we’d show one another a good time? Sadly, one of the other questions that runs through my head is, “Do I want to increase my number?” That one is usually more when I’m really uncertain about the possibility; it’s a bit of an indicator to me that maybe, just maybe, I don’t want to get involved with this person as much as I think I do… which means that I’m just not ready.
I think it’s important to try to avoid doing something you’ll regret. Sure, it’s not something that you can predict; after all, how was I to know that I’d regret having slept with that particular guy? But it’s certainly something to keep in mind, as much as your hormones might be trying to overrule your head (and no, it’s not just men that are ruled by their nether parts). Just ‘cause your tender parts might be ready doesn’t mean that you are… and we were all created with two hands for a reason. Don’t be afraid to make use of ‘em; I can’t think of a time I woke up saying to myself, “Dammit, I wish I hadn’t gotten myself off last night.”
posted by Jen on 2:43 AM