I love you, now it's over

The First Love. For some people, that's equal to the Only Love. to others, it's just a small number that happened to come first of many.

Not everyone winds up with their First Love, but few people forget them, regardless how the relationships itself ended.

The First Love isn't always the first boyfriend or girlfriend, the first person you kissed, or even the first person you slept with.

The First Love can be a sweet, tender, childlike event -- when you were six years old and the little red-haired girl sat with you at recess and gave you half of her sandwich for soe of your pudding cup -- or it can be a thoroughly grown-up, heart-wrenching affair.

Sometimes it's the person who first touches your heart and shows you what a real relationship can be like, and sometimes it's just the first person to hold you close and lavish you with affection and attention.

It's a heady experience, the first time you share a relationship with someone special; the first person to pay particular attention to you, to kiss you and hold you and comfort you and care about you... The first person to whom you want to tell your good news and bad news, and the first person you want to kiss, caress, and ride hard and put away wet. If you're into that sort of thing.

So, when things start to cool off between you and your First Love, it's understandable if things go really sour. You may start to grow apart, especially if you're together during transitory times in your lives. High school, university, beginning a "grown-up" life, a new job -- they're all major changes and they can all be difficult to maintain a relationship through.

However... this doesn't mean that these are easy things with which to cope or adjust. It's hard to accept the loss of someone near and dear to you, especially if it's the first major or loving relationship you've experienced. It can be hard to believe that another wonderful person can or will be around; that particular mix of traits that you love so much might be apparent in someone else. Heck, the next person you find may have those good traits and few of the current love's annoying ones.

As well, going from being in a loving, committed (or open if you choose) relationship to being... just awkward friends or strangers can be quite painful. It's weird to see someone that you used to snuggle up to or bare your body and know that that will never happen... or that it's highly unlikely (unless you date some of the same guys I do... but that's a whole other story). Knowing that someone else will get to have all of those perks and tender moments with your First Love and you won't is hard and it hurts and it sucks.

My First Love relationship ended a few times, and painfully. I don't consider this to be a very unique story; I have every belief that many of you could say the same. It took me awhile to move on; I pretty much had to fall for someone else before I felt I was completely over the First. That part more or less sucked.

Now, however, I can look back on the relationship and smile, rather than feel hurt. But, he certainly left his mark on me, and while at times that mark felt more like a scar, I certainly don't regret our relationship.

I think sometimes you have to get hurt to really appreciate the love. It's when you've known the love that it can be really hard to let go, and especially to trust again. But, that's another column.
posted by Jen on 1:24 AM

|