Where do we go from here?

I’ll be breaking a bit from my established format for this week; I want to write a bit differently for a change.

Yesterday marked the one-year anniversary of the Whore’s Boudoir (I’m so unaccustomed to writing that without hyper-linking it). At least, it marks a year since I originally ‘launched’ the site. The first real content appeared a few days later.

The last year of writing here has been fun, enlightening and therapeutic... all kinds of things, really. I started writing because I had an idea for a column that didn’t really fit the established style of my personal blog.

The response to this site has been fantastic. Readership took off much faster than it had (or has yet to have) for the Litterbox (helped in no small part I’m sure to google and yahoo searches for “whore” or “boudoir”), and the sex blogging community of which I’ve found myself a part is just wonderful. Those of you who have watched or used my blogroll on here may have seen the list grow; every time I turn up someone else who has done me the favour of linking to my site, I do the same for theirs. A few of those sites (Word Oyster, Eros Blog, Daze Reader, No-Undies.net) have been wonderful for the growth and exposure of the Whore’s Boudoir, and I hold the people behind them in great regard and appreciation. Not to mention a few of the webmasters and webmistresses (ooh, I love writing that) have become great supporters of myself and my site, and even in a sense, friends.

I remember how surprised and amazed I was the first few times that strangers posted on my site. It took some getting used to to let go of the self-conscious “oh my God my friends are reading this” feeling, but having those strangers post has helped a great deal. I’m usually able to set aside my self-consciousness about my audience and simply work from whatever my muse or my mental needs have demanded. That’s not to say that I’m not aware of my audience; there are in fact several columns that need to not be written for awhile so that I can hide their real-life connections from some of my friends. *grin*

Anyhow, this blog has seen me through several break-ups,celibacy, and hours of thought, effort and conversation. I’ve spent great deals of money in my pursuit of research, and I’ve done it all for you, my readers. Such is the price I pay for being a dedicated sex blogger.

I’ve never pretended to be an advice columnist, although my site has been called such. I’ve never pretended to have all the answers; rather, I just think about things, write about them, then let you discuss them and debate them all you’d like. I’ve found a few references to things I’ve written on other peoples’ sites – either someone mentioning one of my articles in their blog update, or someone commenting, saying, “Go read this article – she talks about it.” I love that.

Some of my columns have written themselves, and these ones often seem to be my favourite. I seem to think that if it writes itself, then it’s a good column. Others have been a real struggle to churn out, and sometimes I’ve just had to step back and take a break – but still you, my readers, return, and I’m so very grateful.

You’ve been tremendously supportive, whether my writings have echoed or contradicted what you’ve personally felt, and two of the best compliments I’ve received had one person telling me I’d made her cry, and the other had someone telling me that sometimes she forgot I was writing from my perspective, that it wasn’t her thoughts here on the screen.

This site has undergone some changes since its inception. I’ve changed the layout, changed the style of archiving, added pictures, added links, added tracking sources, and so on. What does the future hold? Well, I’m hoping still to incorporate audio blogging – so that those of you who are too rushed to read, or want to hear how it sounds in my crazy head, can do so. I’m hoping to incorporate different types of columns; have a section where I review things, have regular articles, whatever. You know – basically rip off every other sex blogger out there, right?

I’m also planning to move this site to a dedicated domain name, and possibly integrate all of my various sites under one heading. Before I do that, though, I’m going to need to learn some more about HTML, Blosxom, Moveable Type, or something; Blogger’s been wonderful, but some things I want to do with it aren’t entirely compatible.

Anyhow, this has been long enough for now. The next little while should see my Archives by Title section finally updated, as well as some minor template repairs. Once again, thank you for having been there for the past year (or smaller amounts of it), and I look forward to continuing to write for you.

Your favourite drunken whore,
Jen X
posted by Jen on 1:47 PM

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"So... umm... er... uh... yeah? Okay?"

Every week I write this column, I highlight something or another that I say is really hot or really sexy. I'm guilty of saying that many different things are "the sexiest" or "the hottest."

Well, this week is no different -- I'm going to do the same thing. However, I will state for ever and for always that the sexiest thing, hands down, bar none, no arguments, is confidence.

Sure, plenty of things turn me on, but guaranteed to get me wet is someone I'm attracted to putting the moves on me with confidence. I've said before, the sexiest kiss I've had involved someone sliding his hand into my front jeans pocket, tugging me towards him, then kissing me. Fucking hot.

Sure, insecurity, uncertainty and all that other stuff enters into everyone's minds. But if the guy or girl you're eyeing appears to welcome or want your advances, it's pretty safe to assume they won't punch you in the stomach if you kiss them. I make no guarantees about further moves, though -- although my experience shows that few guys will reject further advances, particularly blowjobs. Although maybe that's just due to my mad skillz.

I'm sure you've all heard the old saw about the biggest sex organ in the body being the brain. It's very true. How many of us have had a boyfriend or girlfriend try moves that we just weren't feeling ilke welcoming? In situations like that, if you don't want to, you just won't get into the situation, even if the moves feel good. Hell, even if you have the sex and such, and maybe enjoy it physically, you might not feel it was all that great if your head wasn't into it.

But, as always, I digress. Confidence, people! Find something sexually that you do well -- be it kiss, give head, get wet fast, come easily, last a long time, hold an erection after an orgasm, fuck like a piston, roll your hips, clench your PC muscle, scream, leave claw marks, give directions, follow directions, welcome new ideas, whatever, and draw it to you. Tell yourself, "I do (fill in the blank) well," and draw your confidence from that.

Gradually, that self-assurance will spread as you realize that that paritcular mad skill translates to other moves -- your great kissing skillz lend themselves to kissing necks, or your willingness to listen to directions and try new things means your odds of picking up some new ideas or techniques are pretty good.

Now, the flip side to confidence is that it can often be intimidating to people. Guys are often frightened or intimidated or uncertain around a confident woman. The one guy I just polled explained, in a nutshell, that it's slightly emasculating -- guys like to feel in control, responsible, and suchforth, and encountering a confident woman -- and by this I mean sexually confident -- can be somewhat rattling to their own confidence. They start sometimes questioning their own prowess; silly men.

Personal confidence is related, but different. Having self-confidence and being self-assured or independent is a very positive thing. I like dating people with self-confidence, and a sense of independence. I find it ties in well to trust, respect and all that other good relationship stuff.

I also like dating people with sexual confidence. Having someone say they're good at (insert act here), with the confidence to make me believe it? Fantastic. Well, so long as I'm interested to begin with, but that's another tangent.

Of course, the final note? It's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Be confident that your advances might be welcome, but be a little careful, too. Read the other person, and if in doubt, ask. You can ask outright, or you can introduce it in a flirtatious manner and see how the other person responds -- if they don't respond positively, then you can at least brush it off as just joking, as long as you weren't being overly obnoxious:

"Tickle your ass with a feather?"
[outraged] "Excuse me?"
"Particularly nasty weather!"

Now, I don't mind someone who's a little awkward or uncomfortable -- I get stupidly uncomfortable and full of jokes when I'm feeling weird. But there's really something to be said for someone that pushes you up against a wall and just plants one on you -- so long as they keep it going long enough for me to kiss back. Otherwise, it's just a hot tease... but as always (especially as this article's already quite long enough), that's another column.

As for me, I'm off to intimidate me some boys and men.
posted by Jen on 11:50 PM

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One and One and One Makes Fun

"...there were three in the bed and the little one said..."

How disturbing is that? I've just tied a Sharon, Lois and Bram song from my childhood (ooh, I've just hinted at my age) to threesomes. 'Cause yes, that's the subject to which the title this time refers.

Being in a threesome is like having that slimming pair of pants for work -- you're able to mix and match them with almost any top...

Wait, that makes no sense. I'm so not a fashion person -- unless it's black, covers next to nothing, and made from silk, satin or lace.

Where was I? Oh yeah, threesomes. If sex is great with one person focusing on your wants, needs, desires and body parts, how could it be anything but better with two people doing the same, right?

Threesomes are like anything else with sex; sometimes they're hot and wet and hard and sexy... and other times they're awkward and weird and you're left with a sticky, uncomfortable feeling -- and possibly one or two people you can't quite look in the eye.

Threesomes (or moresomes) can be difficult for some people to handle, so to speak. When naked with our partners, we're at our most vulnerable -- especially when turned on -- and insecurities can set in. All of a sudden, you may find yourself feeling more aware of the things you dislike about your body, or you may be hyper-aware of someone else's -- especially if they're of the same gender as you.

And, if they're the same gender as you, then there's the chance that you may start to worry that they're better than you and that your partner might like them better, and and and...

But at the same time, you may be totally secure in your relationship and not worry that someone else would be able to screw it up -- in fact, they could only enhance it. It really depends on how you feel going in. Using a threesome in an attempt to solidify or strengthen an ailing relationship is, in my opinion, not the best idea. It may work, but it may enhance all of the problems that already exist.

Now, that's not to say that threesomes are all doom and gloom. On the contrary, they can be great fun. After all, there are two hands looking to please you, two mouths on your favourite spots, the potential of two pussies, two cocks, or a combination of the two for your fun... sounds good, right?

A lot of people have differing advice for what's the best way to go about having a threesome. Whether there should be lots of conversation with the particulars ahead of time, whether it should come about as a result of flirtation and booze, whether it should be a "guest star" invited into an already existing relationship... but really, there's no best way for everyone.

I'd have to say the most important part is just to make sure that everyone involved feels comfortable saying "I'm out" at any point in the proceedings. What can sour the experience more than anything is feeling like crap at some point and not saying so. If you feel like things aren't working out for you as well as they ought to -- especially emotionally or mentally. If you're going to do something that's new to yourself sexually, it's worth it to make sure that it's as positive an experience for you as possible.
posted by Jen on 10:00 PM

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