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“We’re gonna need another Timmy!”

In the many years that I’ve been (and don’t tell anyone this, it’s a secret), sexually active, I’ve had some good sex. I’ve had some bad sex. And then, I’ve had some fantastic sex. Awesome sex.

Not just the tearing down the draperies, chandelier in a pile on the floor, how did I get this bruise on my arm/how did we wind up upstairs from the basement? sex, but some really close, sweet, honest and loving sex, too.

Granted, the warm and tender sex is great, but that’s not the kind that you want to sit down and brag talk about with your buddies/girlfriends over beers/coffee. At least, not for very long:

“So, my boyfriend and I had a really nice, sweet session of lovemaking last night. He was so tender and gentle, and it was so great.”

[sfx: crickets chirping]

On the other hand, who hasn’t called up someone with the, “Oh my Gawd do I have stories for you, we have to get together soon so that I can tell you about this. You want a hint? Check out my upper arm. Another hint? Bean bag chairs.”

Or maybe that’s just me. Not those experiences, I mean [sfx: coughing], but the bragging talking part. I like to share experiences, what can I say?

Anyhow, I will admit that yes, the sweet and tender lovemaking is great. But honestly, that’s the kind of sex you can have with any boyfriend/girlfriend. That’s the kind of sex when the two of you are feeling loving and romantic and want to spend a nice evening/weekend just sharing your love.

Now, since your favourite Drunken Whore isn’t exactly in a boyfriend kind of place right now (as in, not exactly having one at the moment), we’re going to instead focus on the down-and-dirty side of sex. And face it, I know that’s what you guys come here for anyhow.

So, what the hell does my title have to do with raunchy sex-having? Chemistry! (For a further explanation, see the end of this article. I love reaching for my titles). Great, dirty, clothes torn/hanging from every piece of furniture around, we may have set off car/security alarms for a three-block radius sex doesn’t happen all that often. It especially doesn’t happen if you’re banging someone with whom you don’t have great sexual chemistry.

Great sexual chemistry doesn’t happen very often, and it’s a damn shame. Although at the same time, it makes you really value it when you have it. Great sexual chemistry is when you find yourself looking at your partner and going from 0 to horny in less than three seconds because all of a sudden you want nothing more than his cock/her pussy inside/wrapped around you (man, being gender all-encompassing makes for weird sentences). Great sexual chemistry is when you finish fucking, you’re lying there together sweaty, sticky and panting, and you look at one another and do it all over again. And again.

Great sexual chemistry... is when your interests are similar enough or overlap enough that you have a vast array of sexual experiences to have together, and it’s not a huge stretch to explore the others’ fantasies. In less vague language, I’m talking about a couple where one has perhaps an interest in BDSM, the other is into latex/vinyl, and the couple is both open-minded enough and willing enough to encompass both interests in the bedroom. It’s not as much of a stretch as it sounds.

Great sexual chemistry can happen straight off the bat; you see each other from across a crowded room and ten minutes later you’re fucking in the parking lot. I’ve been told it happens. Sexual chemistry is something that can be instantaneous, and for a lot of people is. I find that for me the initial honeymoon period/horniness period of a new partner is initially hard to distinguish from the sexual chemistry part. That first little while, when the two of you are spending all of your time fucking and it’s more the idea of the sex than the sex itself that’s a turn-on, that’s the honeymoon period.

But great sexual chemistry outlasts that, and means that you still want to fuck each other rotten after several months of dating, after the initial thrill is gone, but you still get wet/hard from kissing/being close. It’s when you still fantasize about your partner when you beat off, and can’t wait to have anything from plain ol’ vanilla to whips/chains/ropes/costume sex with them. Again and again and again.

Just like love, great sexual chemistry doesn’t come around an awful lot, but (still like love) when it’s there and it’s great, boy, is it great. You can still have great sex without it, but (and the corny side of me is going to say still like love), it certainly elevates the experience.


And to explain the title reference, bear with me here: over ten years ago there was a television show on called Dinosaurs. One of the television shows that the characters would watch was something called, “Mr. Wizard’s World.” Mr. Wizard would conduct highly dangerous science experiments, and he always had a little buddy/assistant called Timmy – who would promptly get killed off during each experiment because he wasn’t using any safety precautions (Mr. Wizard wouldn’t give him any). Examples of this would include things like staring directly into a rocket booster when it was being ignited, and so on. After Timmy died, Mr. Wizard would come out from where he was safe, see the dead kid, and holler, “We’re gonna need another Timmy!” That all said and done, science experiments are related to chemistry, and there you have my title. Shut up, it’s my column.

posted by Jen on 11:22 AM


Apparently a how-to guide for sex with me. In reality, me just talking about my thoughts and experiences in love, sex and relationships.

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