Sitting in trees with girls

I have a secret – not all of my experiences in life have been with boys.

I’ll wait for the gasps and the horror – and drooling, for some of you – to stop.

From the time I started being more aware of and comfortable with my sexuality, an ever-evolving process, I’ve known I was somewhat curious about being involved with women. Once upon a time, I ... well, that’s not the point of today’s column. Yes, I hear the complaints.

Anyhow, since that time, I’ve never really done much to pursue any kind of female relationships/experiences, for a number of reasons: shyness, lack of really strong attraction to anyone I’ve met, and if nothing else, I likes the cock – I’ll admit it. Again.

However, every now and then life presents us with an opportunity for exploration or fun, and keeping in line with one of my New Year’s resolutions (the first year I’ve made ‘em, so I gotta keep ‘em) – this one to be more aggressive in pursuing opportunities – I recently had the chance to kiss a girl.

Admittedly I kissed a number of people that night, but kissing the girl was fun times. The only real issue I had with it was a height difference thing – she had a good head on me. I’m wee. Mind you, from the boys I date I’m used to that, but there isn’t usually a significant chest in my way.

Girls are fun in that way – when I hug other girls, I’m usually very aware of their chests in relation to mine. Most of my friends are male, so I’m much more accustomed to feeling a distinct lack of boobies when I hug someone – feeling boobies against me is a pleasant change of pace.

Girls are soft and snuggly. I really enjoy cuddling boys, but sometimes their shoulders or chests are kinda high and it’s awkward on the neck. With girls, guys never seem to have that problem – everything I’ve heard is that boobs make great pillows. Goodness knows that guys certainly love to use them as such.

I find a lot of celebrities nowadays seem to be foregoing the look of breasts, and that’s a real shame. I’m not into huge breasts – my own are pretty moderate-sized, and I think they’re quite nice – but I find that a flat chest isn’t the most aesthetically pleasing, either. At the same time, I’d rather see a woman with a flat chest than fake boobs any time.

I just find it rather sad that the current fashion trend for celebrities is disgustingly thin: Paris Hilton is a perfect example of this. The women on Friends have suffered the same fate; watch early seasons and tell me that Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston didn’t look so much better when they looked as if you couldn’t grate cheese on their sternums. That’s right, I said sternum, not abs.

I think what looks best on a woman is someone who looks healthy. Many actresses nowadays may be healthy, but they just work out way too much for me to really find them attractive. I don’t want to be able to identify every bone in someone’s upper body, but I also don’t really want to be able to lose a hand in their flesh, either. It’s all about what is best suited to your body, and if that means that your curves are more voluptuous than the ‘accepted norm’ – think of someone like Queen Latifah, or Missy Elliott, two beautiful full-bodied women – then all the more power to you.

I think that a sexy woman is someone who is toned, but still has some soft to her. I work out now, but I don’t want any part of me to be rock-hard. Even a guy with a rock-hard chest or abs, while he may be wonderful to look at, isn’t necessarily the most comfortable guy with whom to snuggle up. Although I gotta admit, there’s something mighty sexy about seeing tightly contracted abs or a muscled chest with a sheen of sweat working above you to make sure you’re having an equally good time...

But a guy doesn’t have to be super-buff to have that going on. Hell, just a guy working to make you feel good is pretty damn sexy in and of itself.

Anyhow, I think that a sexy lady is one with a bit of softness to her, and a guy can be sexy with some softness to him, too. I love a guy with nice, full soft lips – something I can nibble at or alternatively lick gently, depending on how the mood strikes. I have the same requirements in girl lips, too.

And, using the worst segue ever, but I’m running out of time to write this and it’s something that plagues my mind: what is it that guys find so sexy about two women kissing? In particular, seeing two women’s tongues playing together? I mean, I know why I like to see it – I can certainly imagine how it feels and appreciate it from a participant’s point-of-view, but what do men find so appealing about it?

Isn’t it fun when someone asks you to explain what turns you on? “I don’t know – just ‘cause.” Well, try and do me one better, if you please.
posted by Jen on 2:56 PM

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The Whore’s Winter Woes

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I hate being cold. So it makes a great deal of sense for me to live in Canada, especially right in one of the colder cities around.

As a result/protest against the winter weather, I’ve turned my little apartment – my own personal Whore’s Boudoir, if you will – into something resembling a sauna, at least according to some. Granted, the heat isn’t always under my control, but...

Anyhow, what it means is that I’m perfectly comfortable wandering around my apartment bare-assed nakers, if I so desire. As I’ve gotten older (and heavier), I’ve become more comfortable with my nudity, ironically enough. Not that I’ve ever been really paranoid about appearing naked in front of significant others, but as I age, I’ve gotten better at accepting that I have what I have, and if someone doesn’t like it, well... not too much I can do.

However, my naked arse aside, in the past the majority of the boys I’ve dated have either had much higher body temperatures than me and/or didn’t mind the cold, or they lived at home and couldn’t really (or wouldn’t, really) do much about the heat.

One boy in particular used to drive me nuts by untucking my shirt (tucked in to keep me warm, dammit), sometimes using me to warm his cold hands, and he’d routinely try to have sex with me in the basement, beside the big glass sliding doors, in the dead of winter, with the heat completely shut off.

Now, sure, in the fall or spring, 15 degrees may not be terribly cold, especially when you’re coming out of a stretch of negative or single-digit degree weather, but when you’re already chilled and fully dressed, it’s not something you necessarily want to start stripping down in. Especially when the sex is not that satisfying for you.

Or maybe that’s just me.

We’re all different, and some people prefer cold weather, snow and the like – I’ve heard this from both men and women. But do these same people want to be nekkid and/or having sex in the cold? I haven’t heard.

See, I know of the turtle effect – peenies hiding away like scared little ... well, turtles – embarrassing their owners and making them declare, “I was swimming!” I’m also aware of growers vs. showers. Growers are men who appear small or average when flaccid, but who greatly increase when getting hard (or, as I prefer to call them, “pleasant surprises”). This contrasts with showers, men who don’t really change when they get hard (or, as I prefer to call them, “pleasant” – what can I say? I likes the cock). To me, seeing a teeny flaccid peenie isn’t that big of a deal (or disappointment).

But really, I don’t find myself wanting to be naked in the cold. If I’m lying there, shivering, chances are I’m not terribly focused on whatever fun stuff is going on.

Mind you, I think part of me isn’t terribly averse to knocking boots in the snow, on one of those nice, -5 or -10 degree days – if for no other reason than to say I’ve done it. Anyone with me? We could have a whole snowbanko rgy – it would sure take my mind off being cold and winter-grumpy.
posted by Jen on 11:33 AM

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