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You can't do that on television!

The other day I downloaded some porn.

This doesn't sound like a particularly momentous thing, I know. I'm sure there are plenty of you who suspect that I have vast reservoirs of porn, just gigs and gigs of it filling up my harddrive, or a secret cache of tapes buried under my bed.

Nope, not a thing.

I do have a few dirty books in my bedroom, but they’re not especially hidden – they’re just not out on display in the living room with the rest of the library. I’m not especially ashamed of them, I just know that they’re less likely to be noticed if I keep them away from obvious eyes.

Anyhow, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen porn in any shape or form, and it’s been awhile since I’ve read any dirty stories, either. Apparently a dry spell for me gradually becomes all-encompassing. No matter.

I’m not entirely sure what prompted me to start downloading stuff, but it doesn’t really matter. I typed some basic terms into LimeWire, and off I went, downloading whatever looked possibly interesting (LimeWire also has a genre option of “adult,” so just searching with that turns up a bunch of material, too).

I was reminded of a few things about searching for porn, as I did this:
1. That people will put anything and everything in the description or keywords, just to get you to download it, even if it’s not relevant. At all.
2. That there exists a metric fuckton of porn dedicated to Lolita-videos, incest, and women with animals.
3. That porn I like is hard to find.

Maybe I’m old, maybe I’m jaded, maybe I’m too set in my whoring ways, but the ol’ in-out, bad oral sex, guy eventually pulls out and comes on the girl’s face while she looks up at him adoringly just doesn’t do it for me anymore. At least, not very often. Even then, the appeal wears off pretty damn quickly.

So it is that porn is so prevalent in our advertising, our society, our thoughts and so on that has led to someone such as me, who is bored by looking at vanilla sex depictions. Although, in the interests of open and honest self-disclosure, that isn’t always the case -- sometimes, a scene that manages to evoke the right images in my mind or nether parts is just what the doctor ordered.

For example; the movie Stage Beauty has in it a scene where the two main characters, played by Billy Crudup and Claire Danes, are moving around together in various positions, trying to decide who would be the girl or the guy in various scenarios (it makes sense if you see the movie). I found that scene a bigger turn on than a lot of the typical porn films that used to get me going.
I’m not sure if there’s an easily-explained reason as to why that worked, whereas totally naked depictions of sex might not, or not as much, but I think it’s because I have an easier time putting myself in the more playful scenario, and I know it can be sexy and evocative, whereas the porn scenarios are sometimes so contrived or unappealing that I get taken out of it.

When it comes to porn, I appear to be on a slippery slope. It used to be that the more vanilla stuff would work for me -- it was new, it was exciting, it was hot. Now, not so much. Now, I prefer the kinkier scenes, the ones that involve bondage and some pain and several people, or women together, or men together... the stuff that’s more removed from my life, that’s more the stuff of fantasy ... or is it!? I reveal nothing. Beyond everything that I’ve already revealed on this site.

I think perhaps it’s partly a case of my tastes having changed as I’ve gotten older. As I’ve aged and grown to accept and enjoy the fact that I have a kinky side, and that hey, other people do, too, I’ve become more comfortable with admitting that I have other interests, and that it’s the “other” stuff that gets me going more.

But either I don’t search often enough for porn (I think I’m currently at once in the last three-plus years?), or I’m a moron when it comes to searching (despite my Google Queen status), or, like I said before, people will put anything in their files to get people to download them. A simple search on “bondage” or “spanking” will turn up everything but, it seems.

So, for now, I’ll stick with the occasional decent written porn, or my own imagination... or reminiscing on my past. Not that I have anything fantasy-worthy in my past... nono, I’m innocent of all of that.


posted by Jen on 11:25 AM


Apparently a how-to guide for sex with me. In reality, me just talking about my thoughts and experiences in love, sex and relationships.

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