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5/10/2005
 

Once a cheater...



Once a cheater, always a cheater -- or so the old saying goes. It's certainly a line I've had quoted to me in the past, by friends who believe it's true.

Speaking as one who has cheated in the past, I'm inclined to disagree.Now, before I carry on, I want to clarify -- I'm certainly not proud of or attempting to defendmy actions. In my past, I've made mistakes, and I have my reasons for having made them -- I don't claim they justify my actions, merely explain them.

That all said and done... I've always firmly believed that I would live out my days in monogamonial bills. I want the comfort of a single person in my bed and, in a sense, in my life. I want to konw that there's someone who, above all else, wants to be with me -- naked and otherwise -- and wants me to only want him or her.

I know that as humans, we still lust after other people (and I will forever lust after James Marsters, I'm sure), but it'd be nice to be with someone who wouldn't act on those lusts.

I've heard other people say -- and I've been in the situation myself -- that there are things they've done or maybe said that they don't want to tell their significant other. I don't like being in that situation, and I don't want to be in it -- and I don't want my next significant other(s) to have secrets from me.

Now, allow me to elaborate. I firmly believe that honesty is not always the best policy. There are certainly situations where not all needs to be revealed. But, there are other situations... well, I'll give an example.

In conversation one night with one of the coworker friends of my (now) ex-, I learned that this guy was living with someone. I later learned that this guy had allowed his niece and a bunch of her friends to borrow his cottage (or something; details aren't first and foremost in my mind right now). One of the friends of the niece, in order to thank this guy for his generosity in allowing them to use this cottage, took him into his car and gave him a blowjob.

Obviously, this is not something he's told his girlfriend. At this same party, he said he was ready to break up with her for other reasons, but... gah. It makes me really sad and sick to think that there are situations like this going on -- all the time -- and to think that there's a chance that, somewhere in my past (and I can probably identify who), that this has happened to me. Or, yes, that I've done something similar to someone else. I'm not perfect, and I only occasionally claim to be.

There are times when total honesty isn't necessarily best. There are ways to be honest without being hurtful. But sometimes, your significant other doesn't need to hear that last time you had sex, you were busily thinking of (random actor/actress) tieing you up and fucking your brains out. Your enjoyment might have been plenty sufficient for them.

Maybe it's idyllic of me to think -- or hope -- that I could find someone crazy about me, someone whose carnal interests lie mainly in my form, who would rather sex me up above all else... though of course, he lusts after that hot songstress or actress. We're all only human, after all. There are a lot of secrets that take place in relationships, and no one will ever know all of them -- probably. Maybe your relationship is different, and I applaud you for that. Maybe you've embraced polyamory, because you firmly believe that monogamy is unnature. I applaud you for that, too.

But in my perfect world... well... once a cheater, not always a cheater. As a former cheater, I can attest to that.

posted by Jen on 10:41 AM

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Apparently a how-to guide for sex with me. In reality, me just talking about my thoughts and experiences in love, sex and relationships.

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