Visit Eros Boutique



[home]

[articles by title]

[mail]

[store]



12/10/2006
 

It's not me, it's you



I’m not always the nicest person.

Hide your shock.

I’ll be the first to admit it; I get impatient, I can be demanding, or difficult, and if I’m hungry or tired, well everything is simply magnified. I’m really somewhat like a baby in that manner.

Now, in addition to that, I’ve dated a lot. I promise, these two things are eventually going to link up.

This year has been a bit of an ‘interesting’ one; I broke up with the guy I’d been seeing since my last birthday, who was known as the Smooshy. I then started dating a friend of a friend, because it was drama-free and casual and easy. I broke up with him when I was becoming interested in other people I’d met. From the runner, I moved on to a bartender, who I dated for a few months. I broke up with him because we weren’t really connecting (or having sex), and because I was interested in a friend – a guy I’d known back pre-Smooshy, actually. That guy and I dated for a few months before I ended things again.

See the pattern? Now, I have to say that the break-ups with the bartender and the runner were mutual; both of us were feeling the end of things, and so they were very easy conversations that had no drama involved. In fact, I’m 99% certain that the runner was trying to booty-call me after things ended, which amused me.

The other two relationships, on the other hand, were a bit different. In short, in both cases, I was being made to feel as though I wasn’t enough for the guy – which is a perfectly fair assessment. But the Smooshy would spend time telling me what I was lacking, or that I should change, yet never offering to change. Or actually tell me how it was I should change in order to improve things. Great for the esteem, as I’m sure you can guess.

Despite the ridiculous chemistry (which quickly abated) between the other guy and I, I found there were a number of personality conflicts that never quite resolved. So I felt the prudent thing to do would be to end things – before I reached the point where I hated him and wanted him dead. That’s never quite the best place to be in a relationship, especially with someone you’re supposed to care about.

Even though two of the endings were mutual (and really, the one with the Smooshy kind of was, except for where he turned into a complete and utter whiny victim, cast me as the villain, and just completely acted a twit), the fact that I had to initiate all four conversations was simply draining, and I’ve decided I’ve had enough. That’s not saying that I want to be dumped – that’s never fun, either.

I’ve wondered sometimes if I’ve dated too much, especially since I seem to keep meeting people who have relationships that last for years on end, or they simply don’t date much at all. Is there something wrong with me in that I can’t meet someone whose interest I hold – or vice versa – for any length of time?

No, I don’t think so. I’ve had people say that they’re picky about who they date, which seems to carry with it an implied, “… and you’re not” element directed my way, but as I’ve said before, I’m learning with every boy I date. I’m learning about myself, I’m learning what I will and won’t tolerate, and I’m learning how to recognize behaviour patterns in people that I don’t deserve and to which I won’t subject myself.

That said, I’ve had conversations with a coworker of mine about marriage and personalities. It’s made me wonder if I was too quick to give up on people in my past; however, the fact that I don’t regret any of the breakups probably means I’ve done the right thing every time. Even the guys who dumped me, I don’t regret.

I know that no one is perfect, myself included. But I also know that no one should put up with regular passive-aggressive behaviour, personal criticisms or anything else that would be demoralizing to them. If someone isn’t making you happy, why are you bothering to stay with them?

So I keep looking and trying to improve myself, in the hopes that maybe someday I’ll meet someone that can tolerate me for longer than a few months, or who that I can tolerate in return. Better than tolerate – I deserve happiness, and I’m always looking for it. I believe I deserve good things, and you know what? I’m going after them.


posted by Jen on 2:26 PM

|

Apparently a how-to guide for sex with me. In reality, me just talking about my thoughts and experiences in love, sex and relationships.

ARCHIVES
10/01/2002 - 11/01/2002 11/01/2002 - 12/01/2002 12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003 01/01/2003 - 02/01/2003 02/01/2003 - 03/01/2003 03/01/2003 - 04/01/2003 04/01/2003 - 05/01/2003 05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003 06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003 07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003 08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003 09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003 11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003 12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009





Join Beautiful Agony!



My other places
The Litterbox: Kitty Litter of the Mind
Porn by a Chick
Bibliophilage
My Novel

I'll take it...


Blogroll Me!



Site Meter



www.blogwise.com



Listed on BlogShares

Linkwhore

Friendfinder.com



Listed on BlogsCanada

[ Previous 5 Sites | Skip Previous | Previous | Next ]

This RingSurf Canadian Sex Bloggers Net Ring
owned by The Whore's Boudoir.

[ Skip Next | Next 5 Sites | Random Site | List Sites ]



Bloggers of Ontario Unite!

[ Prev 5 | Prev | Next | Next 5 | Random | List | Join ]



Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com


This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?
[[web-design by may]] ...and me