Against my will
I want to start by saying that there is no instance where rape is acceptable. I firmly believe that rape is about power, not sex.
However, I’m not here to write about serious issues – at least, not in that regard. Rather, I want to write about rape fantasies.
Lots of men and women have rape fantasies, yet few people are actually comfortable admitting to this. As you know, I’m very shy and retiring, so this will be challenging for me, but I’ll do my best.
I find the idea of being denigrated verbally, ‘forced’ to engage in a variety of sexual acts, and humiliated in certain ways to be extremely arousing – when it’s carried out by someone I trust implicitly, when I’m in the proper frame of mind, and when it’s done with my consent.
It sounds like something that has to happen when all of the stars and the moon align properly, doesn’t it? Actually, elements of it probably creep into my usual kinks on a daily basis: bondage, domination, submission, and so on are all part of sex that I regularly enjoy, and that play major roles in rape fantasies.
Why do I enjoy rape fantasies? It’s being able to abdicate control to someone else. It’s almost impossible for me to give up control fully, even when I’ve played with BDSM in the past. I have a bit of a brat personality (as I’ve been told), and I tend to top from the bottom a bit – sometimes I taunt my handler, or I make stupid jokes, which is my way of diffusing tension. But to have control taken away from me, to have someone else make the decisions, lead the action, not let me dictate what happens when? That’s really hot.
I also love to be physically thrown about. I’m short, but I’m no lightweight, and to have someone toss me around like I weigh nothing, or next to nothing? That’s a big turn on.
Finally, confidence is incredibly sexy, and when you have someone confident enough to take complete and utter control in the bedroom, well… yum.
But that still isn’t addressing the rape side of things, is it? I’ve asked a few of my male friends about this issue this afternoon, and I’ve gotten conflicting answers, which I might’ve suspected. I had one friend say that the idea of someone who’s into sex is much more arousing than someone who’s fighting it, or doesn’t want it. Another friend said he could be aggressive, but not with someone who’s yelling no and fighting it. On the other hand, I have at least three friends I can think of off the top of my head for whom holding a girl down and doing what he wanted with her body would be an excellent way to spend an evening, so there you are.
There’s no right or wrong to rape fantasies. I certainly have a very short list of guys with whom I’d want to carry them out, and they’re guys that first, I trust implicitly to respect my boundaries and listen when or if I said stop (or whatever safeword that had been chosen in advance), second, who would themselves feel comfortable participating in something of the sort, and wouldn’t wind up horribly emotionally traumatized afterwards, and last, who could see it out. Participating in any kind of ‘non-vanilla’ sex isn’t nearly as fun or arousing if you can sense your partner is only half-heartedly committing to it.
There’s a certain mindset that it helps for a guy to have. In short, a guy who can see a woman as a fucktoy who’s only there to receive his cock and, if she’s lucky, his come – but who doesn’t genuinely feel that way about women; who respects them and adores them and thinks the world of them. As far as the woman’s mindset is concerned, she has to have the self-confidence to recognize that even if he’s calling her a dirty little whore who’s desperate for cock, he doesn’t really mean it – even if she actually is at that point in time.
I suspect I’m not explaining myself well, but it’s a challenging thing to try to articulate. Ask a person why they prefer a certain colour hairstyle, or why feet turn them on, or why they prefer group sex porn, and the answer is likely going to be the same: Because it turns me on. I fully recognize that the idea of being held ‘against one’s will’ or being ‘forced’ to do something or forcing someone to do something is terrifying or repugnant to some. The idea of giving up or taking complete control is terrifying to others. Those people would not and probably cannot relate to my near-slavering desire to being fucked against my will and called a dirty cocktease who’s been asking for it – but I can’t claim to understand coprophiliacs, for example, so I think perhaps we’re even.
Sex in general can be a cathartic release, and bdsm-sex doubly so. Rape fantasies allow people to strip all down to their baser elements and focus only on the immediate demand: the take, rather than the share. For the one who is doing the giving, the trust involved is a gift in and of itself, that should only be given to someone can respect it as such. Basically what I’m trying to get at is: don’t engage in a rape scenario if you don’t trust the other person completely and without doubt. The fact that the scenario involves stripping oneself down emotionally can be scary enough; take away trust and respect, and you’re just begging for trouble. Which isn’t really how it should be – ideally, you should be begging for whatever he’s trying to withhold from you… but only after the proper level of enticement, of course.
posted by Jen on 12:16 AM