Rainy days are here again

Well, it’s been pointed out to me by a few people that my last column was a little, how do you say it, ‘pro-condom.’

To that, I say, so what?

I mean, I’m not so naïve as to believe that I can go through my sexual ‘career,’ as it were, merrily barebacking along and still be safe and unpreggered until I so choose to be.

No, I’m not making a practice of sleeping with dirty guys, but plenty of STDs are asymptomatic, and even nice boys can catch them, so why take chances?

Sure, there are guys who complain that having sex while wearing a condom is like wearing a raincoat while taking a shower, but to them I say, “Tough poop.”

Of course, such a stance makes it sound as if I’m always having domed lovin’, and no, that’s not the case. But I’m well-aware that I’ve been really freakin’ lucky in that regard, and I’m getting more cautious in my old and fartiness.

This may come as a surprise to some of the guys, but having sex with a condomed guy does take away some of the sensation for the woman, as well. But like I said last time, that’s what the Wall of Joy is for – picking and choosing which sensation you want to add to the evening’s festivities.

So rather than bemoan the fact that a thin layer of latex is between my tender bits and my partner’s, I’ve chosen to create a positive association between the act of sex and that little rubber sheath. Condoms mean I’m not going to get pregnant. They mean I can keep having sex, and not worry about raising any babies before my time. They mean it will greatly reduce my chances of catching an STD that may prevent me from having progeny in the future.

So yes, I’m somewhat pro-condom, but I think it’s a good thing. I think it’s better to be accepting and welcoming of the inevitable, rather than sulking and pouting about it. Given the choice, sure I’d rather be bareback, but I know it’s better to be safe.

So go shopping with your partner, pick out some condoms you both find arousing. I named some of them last time – “ribbed for her pleasure,” “intense sensations,” “extra-thin”… buy a couple of boxes and take them for a test drive! Sounds like a great way to spend an evening, no?

posted by Jen on 5:05 PM

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The Pleasure Dome

The condom ads around my school are mocking me.

Does this sound a little paranoid to you? ‘Cause it does to me… and yet, it’s true.

Bear with me.

When I was younger, condoms – seeing the packages, being in the same aisle as them, purchasing them – used to embarrass me, even when I was having sex. Of course, I did my best to hide the fact that I was having sex from my friends, but that’s another matter.

I used to get that giggly, titillating feeling from condoms, and so even when I found their advertisements clever or funny, I avoided them. Or I mocked them from a safe distance, just like my friends at the time.

Now that I’m older, and (theoretically) wiser, they no longer have this giggle, embarrassing effect on me.

Now, condoms don’t represent the unknown, or the forbidden or the unthinkable (unthinkable, at least to the 13-year old girl I was back then, buying condoms as a gag from the dollar store after our grade 8 grad); now, condoms scream sex.

Full, glorious, sweaty, panting, screaming, gasping, clenching, Technicolour, “Oh my God, I think I’m going to die this is so good” sex.

I no longer feel embarrassed buying condoms; instead, I choose them the same way I might choose a movie or book from a list of titles of which I’ve never heard.

“Let’s see, do I want action, comedy, sci-fi…?”

Condoms present a world of choices – there are ribbed, studded, lubricated, spermicided, unlubricated, thin, think, “with pleasure pockets”… Why is selecting a condom embarrassing? This is bloody fun! It’s Disneylad for the sexually active!

I look at the finishing of one box of condoms as the opportunity to try something new. Just polished off a box of “Intense sensations” by Shiek? Why not try their “Ribbed for her pleasure” or “super-thin” next? The wall of condoms is a smorgasbord of delight, offering up untold pleasures, all yours to behold.

Personally, I’ve only tried out about three, maybe four different brands. Surprisingly enough, the condoms that are sold at the sex shops aren’t too bad, but it’s also been a few years since I’ve used them; my memory may be tainted.

I’m fairly opposed to Trojans; I find them too thick to be able to feel anything, even with their ‘thin’ brands, but I know some people who swear by them.

It’s a bit of a challenge getting a variety of different brands of condoms from a drugstore. They generally carry the major brand names, although now certain issues (such as allergies) have come to light that are leading drugstores to expand their lines. It is now possible to buy Avanti’s lambskin condoms, for people with latex allergies, and you can buy lubricants like Wet or Astroglide, in addition to K-Y Jelly. Unfortunately, this tends to vary by drugstore, but what shopping trip could be more fun than the great lube hunt through the wilds that are your local drugstores?

As well as more choices in men’s condoms, you can also find women’s condoms on the drugstore shelves, usually right in the same section. I have to confess, I’ve only ever tried three forms of birth control – the birth control pill, condoms, and the prayer method, whereby you have sex without any form of protection and then pray you don’t wind up pregnant. It’s pretty nerve-wracking, and in a way, stupid, and I definitely don’t recommend it to anyone.

Now, I mentioned at the beginning, that the ads were mocking me. How can something so ‘innocent’ as a condom ad mock you, you ask? Easy. The condom ads hint at pleasure, they promise carnal delights, and they tease the senses with the idea of passion. So what? Well, none of that is being directed my way; instead, I’m discovering the ‘joys’ of celibacy. That, however, is an article for another week.

For various reasons, the same way I’ve been trying to avoid the condom ads at school, I’ve been staying away from the condom aisles in the drugstore, although the hopeful part of me has been keeping up my birth control prescription. I don’t really need the mental images that the condoms evoke, of their moist, grinding, pulse-pounding, teeth-clenching, straining, throbbing…

Excuse me, I have to go now.

posted by Jen on 6:13 PM

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  Hey everyone,

This is going to be a site for me to post weekly or biweekly columns on subjects of my, or your, choosing. If you have a topic you'd like me to cover, feel free to email it to me at whoresboudoir@yahoo.ca.

I have a journal site as well, which is probably how many of you found this site. This site is geared more towards thought-out posts, and it's my attempt to see if I can write a weekly column and make it entertaining or thoughtful, but most of all interesting and coherent.

On the bus ride home today, I wrote about four pages of ideas for columns in this little notebook I carry around (and finally started using today), so hopefully that'll keep me going for awhile.

I'll probably have something new up here within the week, and I'll start linking to it from various sites to which I have access. :) Most of my columns will be relationship- or sex-related, but every once in awhile something may pop up on here that is out of that vein... or, if I come up with something on my site that I think could be suitable, you'll likely find it here as well.

As always, we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck, and feel free to email me with any questions, comments, praise or critiques that come to mind.

Thanks for reading.
posted by Jen on 11:33 PM

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