Lights... camera... action!
My sexual philosophy is fairly basic: sex is goofy, awkward, messy, uncomfortable, fun and funny -- or some combination of similar adjectives.
I regularly laugh my way through sexual encounters, something that I think some guys might find somewhat... disconcerting. Fortunately, or I like to think, I'm spending just as much time laughing at myself as I am at the situation (or the boy).
I think I'm explaining this backwards, if at all. See, I'm fond of saying, when things get clumsy or weird, "just like in the movies" -- for the movies would have us believe that every sexual encounter between two people in love -- or in lust, often interchangeable in MovieLand -- is perfect from the very first.
Sex in movies never has lost erections, the need for lube, the application of condoms, someone lying on someone else's hair, difficulties lining things up, legs or arms falling asleep, cramps, running out of energy/momentum... and everyone always comes within moments of starting (and simultaneously). Sure, it can happen that way, but it isn't usually the rule. And for a guy, it's not a good rule. Seriously, it's not.
Generally, these are all things that are only there to be played for laughs -- which is great, but then you're laughing at the people and the situations, which is fun, but... I tend to think of it as different, because you're laughing at, instead of with. A minor distinction, but one I tend to think of as important, if it involves naked people and their vulnerable bits.
But often, there is a lot of awkwardness to sex. We fuck with our socks on, we haev to spend several weird seconds kicking the underwear off our ankles, we trip on our underwear getting it off, we lose our balance, we fall off the bed... it's ridiculous!
Personally, as I've said, I cope with most of it by laughing through it. I'm more or less comfortable in my own skin, body issues notwithstanding, and generally I'm not baring all for someone with whom I'm not comfortable -- which means that, theoretically, we've already shared some laughs with our clothes on... which makes it easier to laugh with our clothes off.
As I've gotten older I've goten somewhat more confident (and apparenrly more intimidating as a result), and even more comfortable with myself. I've lost some of the frustration and inexplicable shame that goes along with being a euphemistically-termed "challenge," and I've used that to my advantage -- laughing at myself and just not taking things super-seriously and therefore, to heart.
Along with all of this comfort has come more of a willingness to talk nonsense during sexual encounters, for multiple reasons: partly to solicit guidance or other advice (which I am terrible at giving, when it's requested in return); partly in an attempt to relax my partner and bring him into my goofy style of hot sexing; and partly just because it's fun and helps to remove the serious race toward orgasm that sex often seems to be portrayed as.
Plus, if you're comfortable talking dorky nonsense with your partner, I theorize that talking about more serious subjects tied to sex becomes just that much easier. Remember, this is theory.
But if you can joke about your partner's brother and his sexual proclivities, or each of your geek tendencies, or who's conquered who -- as you're busy gettin' it on (tm), how much more challenging is it to suggest something new or different? If you're comfortable calling someone a conquered peoples because of their willingness to subject themselves to your "tender mercies" (or other patented moves), then how much more difficult is it to ask for harder, softer, gentler, faster, or a little to the left?
Of course, the movies don't cover this kind of thing, so it's up to us to forge our own paths, either by asking our friends for advice, doing some Internet research, or sucking up our fears and concerns and forging ahead and doing it.
I think I prefer my way of sex for laughs, rather than our society's way of abusing sexual situations for laughs. I guess it's just another example of how screwed up North America is in regards to sex -- but that's another rant of mine.
Sex. It's just like in the movies. Right.
posted by Jen on 10:15 PM